


phone calls

by nasasingular



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, Humor, M/M, No Smut, Phone Calls & Telephones, idk i'll probably add more tags as the story goes on, like I said no smut, they're literally dorks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21821614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nasasingular/pseuds/nasasingular
Summary: ''Han Jisung, you're a random person.''this story is told entirely through phone calls. no smut.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay idek tbh. but i guess it'll be cute. they're both dorks. okay enjoy.

**March 1, 11:25 a.m.**

This is Lee Minho calling to update my order BKE-184. Looks like I won’t need the leather strap after all. So, just to be clear, keep the rest of my order as is, but cancel the strap. Thanks!

**March 5, 3:11 p.m.**

It’s Lee Minho again calling about my order BKE-184. Is it too late to rethink materials? In the end, recycled aluminum just sounds cheap. I’d rather go with the slate. All the reviews I’ve read say that slate will endure both heat and snow better. Plus, it has more effective results for tree attachment. Thanks for working with me. Can you please call me so I know you got this order change? My number is 802-555-0129.

**March 6, 4:10 p.m.**

It’s Lee Minho. I called yesterday about order BKE-184. Nobody has gotten back to me. Please let me know that my order has been updated. Natural slate plaque. No leather strap.

**March 8, 10:04 a.m.**

It’s Lee Minho calling about order BKE-184. I’d like confirmation that you received my requests for an order change. I’m worried because you still haven’t called me back. I’m not high maintenance, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not going to modify anything beyond this point. I understand that you have strict shipping dates. If you’re upset about my leather strap cancellation, just go ahead and ignore it. I’m willing to eat the cost on that. I really want to know when you plan to ship my order. I’d also like to remind you that I’ve already paid in full. So I deserve a return phone call. I mean, I don’t like threatening people. But I also don’t like being jerked around. My number is 802-555-0129. You better call it.

**March 15, 11:38 a.m.**

**Minho:** This is the last message I’m going to leave before I call the Better Business Bureau—

**Jisung:** I’m speaking. You’re not leaving a message.

**Minho:** When are you going to ship my order?

**Jisung:** I’m not.

**Minho:** You have to! I paid for it.

**Jisung:** My name is Jisung and you haven’t paid me anything for anything.

**Minho:** Not cool, Jisung. I paid somebody in your company.

**Jisung:** I don’t own a company. You’re about the thirtieth person who’s—

**Minho:** Do I have the wrong number?

**Jisung:** Not exactly…

**Minho:** This sounds like a total scumbag operation.

**Jisung:** No. There is no operation. My name is Han Jisung. I’m a senior at Chungdam High School . I’m not connected to this plaque/trophy/crystal awards business in any way. It’s my cell phone. I just got it. I took a recycled number. I guess I got a deadbeat trophy company. I’m sorry to tell you this, but I think they’ve gone out of business.

**Minho:** That sucks. I mean, I can’t believe this is happening.

**Jisung:** Um.. It’s not exactly the end of the world.

**Minho:** Easy for you to say. What are my options here? What am I supposed to do about my order?

**Jisung:** I guess you order another slate plaque without a leather strap from a different company?

**Minho:** You know, you could pretend to have some sympathy. I’ve been robbed.

**Jisung:** You’re right. I’m sorry. You sound nice. I feel bad you got taken. The guy who ran that business sounds terrible. He even ripped off people who’d ordered gravestones for their pets.

**Minho:** Wow.

**Jisung:** I hope somebody catches up with him and makes him pay all these people back.

**Minho:** Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I’ll let you go.

**Jisung:** Minho, I bet with enough effort you can find this guy. It’s really hard for people to just totally disappear.

**Minho:** Um. Yeah, I’m pretty busy, and I have zero interest in playing detective, Jisung. I think I’m just going to accept that I got screwed.

**Jisung:** Your call.

**Minho:** Yeah. It is. Okay, good luck with midterms.

**Jisung:** How do you know I’ve got midterms?

**Minho:** You said you go to Chungdam High.

**Jisung:** Interesting. And do you go to Chungdam High?

**Minho:** No, I live in Chuncheon. I have a friend who goes to Chundam High.

**Jisung:** Who?

**Minho:** I’m not going to tell you my friend’s name. You’re a stranger.

**Jisung:** Is it your girlfriend?

**Minho:** I’m going to hang up on you, Jisung.

**Jisung:** Don’t hang up.

**Minho:** Stop being obnoxious.

**Jisung:** No promises there. It’s how I’m built.

**Minho:** Are you going to call back all the people who are leaving you messages about this company?

**Jisung:** I don’t have that kind of time.

**Minho:** You don’t feel obligated?

**Jisung:** Why would I feel obligated?

**Minho:** Well, they’re calling you.

**Jisung:** I’ve got midterms to study for, remember?

**Minho:** Okay. I’ll let you go, Jisung.

**Jisung:** You’re fun to talk to. You can call me anytime.

**Minho:** Thanks. But I’m probably not going to do that. Bye.

**March 17, 4:18 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Hey, Minho, it’s Jisung. You called me last week about your plaque and leather strap. I told my friend Hyunjin about your situation. He says he knows how to get that stuff wholesale. Shoot us the dimensions you want, and he thinks he can get you what you need. Let me know if this works for you.

**March 19, 5:52 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Hey, Minho, Hyunjin can’t fill your order. He got hit in the head with a tree limb today. Don’t worry. He’ll be okay. We tried to start a company using the disgruntled client base of the deadbeat trophy company. Not the people with outstanding orders. Those people are out of luck. But we figured we’d take the new callers. And this woman needed us to measure her mailbox, because she wanted a new address plaque. And it was near a tree. And Hyunjin underestimated his strength. And he shoved her quaking aspen. And a limb fell and totally nailed him.

Looks like we won’t be taking that job. Anyway, I’ve been doing some sleuthing, and I think I have the home phone number of the now-defunct trophy company. I’ve been giving it out to people who call me with outstanding orders. It makes me feel like a cross between a private investigator and Robin Hood. Also, I feel a little bit like a bounty hunter. But don’t worry—I don’t own any weapons. Except for baseball bats, hockey sticks, stuff like that. And I only use those to play sports. Hey, this is a long message. And it’s starting to sound weird. Sorry.

**March 20, 3:30 p.m.**

**Minho:** Hi, Jisung, that’s too bad about your friend’s head. From what I hear, quaking aspens can be very brittle and unpredictable. Mature ones can crush a bystander to death. It happens all the time. Well, maybe not all the time. Yes, give me the deadbeat plaque maker’s home phone number. Also, it surprises me a great deal that you (a. consider a hockey stick to be a lethal weapon, and (b. feel a little bit like a bounty hunter. Have you ever seen a bounty hunter? I have, on TV. They’re usually overly tattooed and pretty rough looking. Plus, they have mullets and violent tendencies. Is there something you should tell me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi kids i'm back with chapter 2. hope u enjoy these dumb fools

**March 21, sent 4:39 p.m.**

**Jisung:** What are you doing?

**March 21, sent 4:41 p.m.**

**Minho:** I don’t text. Ever.

**March 21, sent 4:43 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Why not?

**March 21, sent 4:44 p.m.**

**Minho:** I just don’t and I’m serious. I will never respond to a text again.

**March 21, sent 4:45 p.m.**

**Jisung:** That’s weird. Texting would be fun.

**March 22, 3:00 p.m.**

**Minho** : Hello?

 **Jisung:** It’s Jisung. Do you have a pen? I’ve got the number of the former owner of the scumbag operation. He lives in a crappy garage now.

 **Minho:** That figures.

 **Jisung:** Are you ready?

 **Minho:** I have a pen.

 **Jisung:** I almost texted you this information.

 **Minho:** I don’t text.

 **Jisung:** You mentioned that. Why not?

 **Minho:** I just don’t.

 **Jisung:** Are you technophobic?

 **Minho:** No.

 **Jisung:** Do you have a crappy data plan?

 **Minho:** I’m not in a jokey mood, Jisung. Just give me the number. Please.

 **Jisung:** Fine. Here it is. It’s 201-555-0127.

 **Minho:** I’ll call him tomorrow. I’m on my way out the door.

 **Jisung:** Where are you going?

 **Minho:** To the mall.

 **Jisung:** So you’re into shopping, huh?

 **Minho:** I’m going to buy a knife.

 **Jisung:** For cooking?

 **Minho:** Camping.

 **Jisung:** Sweet. A guy who likes the wilderness and blades.

 **Minho:** I find that response alarming.

 **Jisung:** I’m probably going to call you later.

 **Minho:** I’ll probably answer if you do.

**March 24, 9:44 p.m.**

**Minho:** Is this Jisung?

 **Jisung:** Yes, and I’m stuck.

 **Minho:** Inside of something?

 **Jisung:** Yes, a take-home essay. I can’t find my way out.

 **Minho:** It’s late. Maybe you should go to bed and work on it in the morning.

 **Jisung:** It’s due in the morning.

 **Minho:** Jisung, Jisung, Jisung. It’s like my mother always tells me—extreme procrastination oft leads to excessive caffeination.

 **Jisung:** Your mother uses the word “oft”?

 **Minho:** Not every day. If you’ll be staying up all night, I suggest drinking coffee.

 **Jisung:** But I don’t drink coffee.

 **Minho:** Religious reasons?

 **Jisung:** No, it messes up my stomach.

 **Minho:** Try tea.

 **Jisung:** I need answers. Can you help me?

 **Minho:** I’m not writing your essay for you.

 **Jisung:** I just want to talk about the topic. You can help me get my juices flowing.

 **Minho:** You are the first guy who’s ever asked me point-blank to help him get his juices flowing.

 **Jisung:** I didn’t mean it that way.

 **Minho:** Oh, I know. If I thought you meant it dirty, I would’ve hung up.

 **Jisung:** Don’t hang up. Seriously, I need your help.

 **Minho:** You don’t even know me. I could be an F student.

 **Jisung:** You’re an A student. I can tell.

 **Minho:** How?

 **Jisung:** You know weird facts about aspen trees.

 **Minho:** Well, I have gotten some Bs in my life.

 **Jisung:** I bet they were math related.

 **Minho:** Wrong.

 **Jisung:** I can tell that you’re smart. In addition to that, I’m desperate. Can I bounce a few things off you?

 **Minho:** Okay. What’s your essay about?

 **Jisung:** I had my choice of writing about either Charlotte Perkins Gilman’s “The Yellow Wallpaper” or Stephen Crane’s “The Open Boat.” I chose the latter.

 **Minho:** Yeah, that makes sense. It sounds more masculine. The Gilman piece is more about women’s issues.

 **Jisung:** I wouldn’t mind writing an essay about women’s issues. I’m avoiding it for another reason altogether.

 **Minho:** What’s that?

 **Jisung:** I hate the scene where the woman snaps. All that crawling around on the floor. When people lose their minds, even in literature, it creeps me out.

 **Minho:** Good to know. Hey, I’ve never read Crane’s story. So don’t say anything that will spoil the ending.

 **Jisung:** I promise not to tell you the order in which all the characters die.

 **Minho:** That wasn’t funny.

 **Jisung:** It was to me.

 **Minho:** Then you’re easy.

 **Jisung:** I’ll take that as a compliment. But enough about my sex life. Let’s get to the essay. Crane’s story is about four men adrift at sea in a small boat: a cook, an oiler, a correspondent, and an injured captain. The basic theme is man versus nature. My teacher wants me to write an essay that examines the psychology of one of the characters, and explore how his choices determine his fate.

 **Minho:** That story sounds sexist. There are no women on the boat? What about the cook?

 **Jisung:** No, the cook is a dude. And the story is based on the writer’s real life story. Crane was on a ship that wrecked off the coast of Florida. So it’s not so much that the story is sexist, it’s that seafaring is sexist in general.

 **Minho:** Okay. Which guy did you choose?

 **Jisung:** I think I’m going to choose the sea, and examine how its force deprives the characters of the opportunity to make choices.

 **Minho:** So you’re avoiding the question altogether. Is this strategy born out of late-night panic or a long-standing desire to challenge authority?

 **Jisung:** Neither. I think the question assumes that the characters have power over their lives, and I think the story sort of suggests that these four guys bobbing in the ocean are at the mercy of something that doesn’t give a shit about them. It doesn’t matter what they do. The sea will determine their fates. It doesn’t matter what they choose.

 **Minho:** Seems fatalistic.

 **Jisung:** It’s naturalistic. It’s what Crane and lots of other writers of his generation were all about.

 **Minho:** I guess. That’s depressing.

 **Jisung:** I’m not saying that’s what I think. But that’s what Crane thought. Barring being adrift at sea or clobbered by an avalanche, I think people pretty much determine their fates. I think people choose their lives.

 **Minho:** I don’t know. I think sometimes things happen to people that are beyond their control. Things that they don’t want to happen.

 **Jisung:** I know what you’re saying. Sometimes random shit happens, but for the most part, people are where they are in life because they chose to be there.

 **Minho:** That’s not quite what I meant. It’s late, Jisung.

 **Jisung:** Yeah, but I think I’m going to write what I said about the sea. And I’m going to include your idea about things happening to people beyond their control. Is that okay?

 **Minho:** Sure. What you said about the story sounds good. It’s thoughtful. You should write that down.

 **Jisung:** Shit. I should’ve been taking notes while we talked.

 **Minho:** Just write it down now. I’ll let you go. Okay?

 **Jisung:** Yeah. Thanks, Minho. I like talking to you. Hey, you can call me anytime.

 **Minho:** Okay. But I probably won’t. Bye.

**March 27, 5:45 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Minho, you never told me how camping went. Did you really go camping in March? That’s insane. I mean, I don’t think that you’re insane. Or your family. Don’t take it that way. I usually go camping in June, July, or August. But it’s always real buggy. I end up wearing a thick coat of Deet. I guess you don’t have that problem when you camp in March. Do you sleep in yurts? Or snow caves? Just checking in with you.

**March 28, 5:51 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Minho, I feel a little bad about my message yesterday. I don’t think that you’re insane. I just wanted to reiterate that. Because we don’t know each other. And tone can be misunderstood. You seem like a nice person. Who is totally sane. Okay. I think I need to stop talking.

**March 28, 7:45 p.m.**

**Minho:** Jisung, you certainly have a way with words. And tone. I actually had to look up the word “yurt” in a dictionary. No, I never went camping. Snow caves hold no appeal for me. As for sleeping in a yurt, no, I’ve never camped in a circular, domed, portable tent used by the nomadic Mongols of central Asia. A yurt. And you think I’m insane? My family and I are headed to Jeju Island in May. I’m the sort of guy who plans ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why can i imagine minsung actually being like this in real life lmao


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back to crackhead village lmao hope u enjoy this chapter! :)

**March 28, 8:28 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Minho, you just called. Where did you go? You’re funny. Thanks for calling me. I’ll be up late. You should call me back.

**March 31, 3:32 p.m.**

**Jisung:** I got an A on my paper. I’m not calling to brag. Okay, I am calling to brag a little. But I wanted to tell you thanks. And if you’re ever stuck, you should call me. Even if you’re stuck in a car. Not stuck inside a car. I mean you should call me if you get a car stuck in something. Like mud. Or snow. Or a lake. Actually, if your car gets stuck in a lake, you should try to get out on your own right away and also dial 911. Why do my messages to you always sound weird?

**March 31, 5:35 p.m.**

**Minho:** You must think I’m a lousy driver. Mud? Snow? A lake? I am an excellent driver. If I wanted, I bet I could be a long-haul trucker. A refrigerator rig and everything. Seriously. If I wanted. And the reason your messages sound weird is because they are weird.

**March 31, 5:37 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Where did you go? You just called me. And what the hell is a refrigerator rig? Do you come from a family of truckers? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just wondering.

**March 31, 5:41 p.m.**

**Minho:** I think I’m in a dead zone. I’m on a walk. And where are you? You just called me. A refrigerator rig is pretty self-explanatory. It’s a refrigerated semitruck. It’s how perishable products get hauled across our great nation. No, I don’t come from a family of truckers. No one in my family even owns a trucker hat. In fact, no one in my family owns a car that has more than four cylinders.

**March 31, 5:44 p.m.**

**Jisung:** You just called me. How can you be in a dead zone? Where are you walking? The Swiss Alps? You are the only person I’ve ever met who has said the word “cylinder.” It makes me wonder what other automotive verbiage you’ve got stuffed inside of you. Hey, when you get this, call me back.

**March 31, 9:23 p.m.**

**Jisung:** You never called me back. Is this a sign of things to come? Minho, Minho, Minho. Have you forgotten how to use your phone?

***

**April 1, 6:45 a.m.**

**Jisung:** What are you doing right now?

 **Minho:** I’m getting ready for school.

 **Jisung:** Me too.

 **Minho:** Then why are you calling me?

 **Jisung:** Because it’s the first day of April.

 **Minho:** Uh-huh.

 **Jisung:** And somebody might try to play a trick on you. You know, April Fools’ Day.

 **Minho:** Are you going to play a trick on me?

 **Jisung:** No. I’m warning you.

 **Minho:** Do you know something you’re not telling me?

 **Jisung:** No. How do you mean?

 **Minho:** Han Jisung, you are a random person.

 **Jisung:** I know. So what are you going to wear to school today?

 **Minho:** Are you seriously asking me that question?

 **Jisung:** Yeah.

 **Minho:** Probably jeans and some sort of shirt.

 **Jisung:** So you don’t wear shorts?

 **Minho:** Are you a pervert?

 **Jisung:** I wouldn’t say that.

 **Minho:** I wear shorts sometimes. It looks like a cold day today. Actually, I know it’s going to be a cold day. I checked NOAA.

 **Jisung:** You checked what?

 **Minho:** NOAA. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s website. It’s the best way to check your local forecast.

 **Jisung:** I learn something new every time I talk to you, Minho.

 **Minho:** Thanks.

 **Jisung:** So how cold is it supposed to be? Maybe you could wear longer socks with your shorts.

 **Minho:** I want to wear jeans.

 **Jisung:** That’s cool. I’m going to wear jeans too.

 **Minho:** Do you wear tight jeans, Jisung?

 **Jisung:** Now who’s the pervert!

 **Minho:** I was joking.

 **Jisung:** My jeans are loose enough that I can bend over and touch my toes. How about you?

 **Minho:** Oh my god. You did not just ask me that.

 **Jisung:** What’s wrong?

 **Minho:** You’re trying to find out how far I can bend over.

 **Jisung:** No, I’m not.

 **Minho:** Yes you are. You are such a typical guy. Are you afraid that I’m fat? That you’re wasting your day minutes on a porker?

 **Jisung:** I think you took my question the wrong way.

 **Minho:** You’re the reason people thrust their fingers down their throats!

 **Jisung:** Calm down. If you can’t touch your toes, that’s no problem. Toe touches are overrated. There’s a kid in my PE class whose kneecaps are too close together and he can’t bend over very far at all. It’s not about his fitness level. It’s about his kneecaps.

 **Minho:** My kneecaps are normal and I can touch my toes just fine. I don’t have any trouble bending over.

 **Jisung:** I didn’t mean it that way.

 **Minho:** Some part of your brain totally meant it that way.

 **Jisung:** I hope you have a good day at school today, Minho .

 **Minho:** I’m not fat.

 **Jisung:** I never said you were. And for the record, I’m not fat either. I play basketball.

 **Minho:** I’m on the track team. And, for the record, I’ve got above-average endurance, strength, and flexibility.

 **Jisung:** Above-average strength? I hope we never end up in a fight. Hey, it sounds like you’ve got pretty decent kneecaps, too.

 **Minho:** You’re weird.

 **Jisung:** I’m also late. I’ve got to go. I was sort of hoping you would call and play an April Fools’ Day joke on me.

 **Minho:** That’s not my style. Are you disappointed?

 **Jisung:** A little.

 **Minho:** So you’re telling me that you like a tease.

 **Jisung:** Maybe.

 **Minho:** Good to know, Jisung.

**April 1, 5:45 p.m.**

**Jisung:** Somebody played a joke on me today. Her name is Bum Jee. We used to date in eighth grade. That’s not really part of the joke, but I wanted you to understand that there’s some history here. It was lunch. She told me there was an injured rabbit in a bush. She always really liked rabbits, and I thought maybe I could help it out. So I put on my coat and went outside and started looking at this bush. Well, there wasn’t an injured rabbit in there. There was a remote control car covered with brown fur. Anyway, I’m staring at the bush and then this guy Dong-Sun makes the fur car race out at me. So I jump back, and the fur car zooms into the street and gets hit by a truck. I swear to god. It got nailed by a semi and smashed into a million fur-covered bits. And Dong-Sun is screaming,

“My car! My car!” And Jee covers her eyes with her hands and almost starts to cry. And I say, “Was that a refrigerator rig?” And Dong-Sun says, “No, it was my freaking car.” And I say, “I know that. I meant the truck. It looked like a refrigerator rig.” So he squints his eyes and walks into the road and starts gathering the clobbered pieces of his car, and he says, “How do you know anything about trucks?” And I say, “A friend of mine who lives in Chuncheon has thought about becoming a long-haul trucker.” Anyway, I thought I should call and tell you that story. Hey, do you ever talk about me with your friends?

**April 1, 6:05 p.m.**

**Minho:** Technically, I live in East Chuncheon. And you dated a girl whose last name is Bum?

**April 1, 6:10 p.m.**

**Jisung:** I sure did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi folks! hope u enjoy this chapter! also merry christmas eve <3

**April 4, 7:35 p.m.**

**Minho:** I’m stuck.

 **Jisung:** Oh my god! In your car? In a lake? I said to dial 911.

 **Minho:** I’m being serious here.

 **Jisung:** Me too. How high is the water? Wait. Maybe you’re not stuck in a lake. Are you trapped in a yurt?

 **Minho:** Ha-ha-ha. It’s an essay.

 **Jisung:** Why are high school students always being forced to write essays?

 **Minho:** I thought you liked reading.

 **Jisung:** Can’t I digest a book without being compelled to write an essay? Can’t the education system in this country trust me to do that?

 **Minho:** I feel like you’re joking. But you’re using your serious voice.

 **Justin:** Of course I’m being serious.

 **Minho:** You’re acting like you’re the one who’s been saddled with the assignment. It’s my essay.

 **Jisung:** What teenager uses the word “saddled”?

 **Minho:** I do.

 **Jisung:** My point is that writing essays isn’t a natural activity. After school, you never write essays in the real world.

 **Minho:** When we’re in college, we’ll be writing a lot more essays.

 **Jisung:** College isn’t the real world.

 **Minho:** What if you become a professor? Then it would be the real world.

 **Jisung:** You sure do like to argue.

 **Minho:** You’re the one who picks the fights.

 **Jisung:** Stop. Stop. Stop.

 **Minho:** Fine. Fine. Fine. But you started it.

 **Jisung:** Minho, what color is your hair?

 **Minho:** Why? Are you going to accuse me of being a redhead? Do you live your life based on stereotypes?

 **Jisung:** I have dark brown hair.

 **Minho:** Hmm.

 **Jisung:** Girls always try to touch it. All the time.

 **Minho:** What kind of girls? And what do they touch it with? Pens? Their fingers? Why are you telling me this?

 **Jisung:** Cute girls. They touch it with pens, pencils—eraser end as well as graphite tip—fingers, Popsicle sticks, french fries. I get teased by cute girls. All. The. Time.

 **Minho:** Nobody should put french fries near another person’s ears. That’s a disturbing image.

 **Jisung:** It’s not like they have ketchup on them.

 **Minho:** It doesn’t matter. Aren’t they hot?

 **Jisung:** The french-fry flicking only happened once. In the school cafeteria. It was a lukewarm spud.

 **Minho:** Moving on. I’m calling to get help with my essay, Jisung.

 **Jisung:** I know. But what color is your hair?

 **Minho:** Maybe I don’t have hair.

 **Jisung:** So you’re a baldy…

 **Minho:** I was kidding. That was a joke.

 **Jisung:** I bet you have brown hair. I bet it’s straight. How long is your straight brown hair?

 **Minho:** I have to write a position paper. My government teacher wants me to explore two sides of an issue.

 **Jisung:** Why are you working on an essay on Friday night?

 **Minho:** It’s due on Wednesday.

 **Jisung:** Oh god. You’re a bigger overachiever than I realized.

 **Minho:** I wouldn’t say that. It’s not like I’m panting to get in to Harvard.

 **Jisung:** You applied to Harvard?

 **Minho:** No. I enjoy learning at my own pace.

 **Jisung:** So where did you apply?

 **Minho:** I don’t feel like talking about college. It increases my stress level.

 **Jisung:** And increased stress levels lead to hair loss.

 **Minho:** My head-hair volume is fine.

 **Jisung:** You say that like I should be concerned about leg-hair volume.

 **Minho:** Han Jisung, I am not a hairy person. Hey, stop laughing at me.

 **Jisung:** Okay. Okay. Do you want to know where I applied to college?

 **Minho:** THINKING ABOUT COLLEGE INCREASES MY STRESS LEVEL!

 **Jisung:** So we’re not going to talk about it?

 **Minho:** Let’s put that on the list of banned topics.

 **Jisung:** First you refuse to text with me. Now you’re banning topics. That’s very not-nice of you.

 **Minho:** I never said I was perfect.

 **Jisung:** Okay. So what’s your issue? I mean, with your essay.

 **Minho:** You seem to like guessing games.

 **Jisung:** Abortion?

 **Minho:** No way.

 **Jisung:** Euthanasia?

 **Minho:** Please.

 **Jisung:** The death penalty?

 **Minho:** Not even close.

 **Jisung:** Clubbing baby harp seals?

 **Minho:** The drinking age.

 **Jisung:** Oh.

 **Minho:** I think it should be eighteen.

 **Jisung:** You do?

 **Minho:** What do you think?

 **Jisung:** I’m probably not the best person to ask.

 **Minho:** But I helped you out with your paper about that open boat, and I’d never even read the story.

 **Jisung:** I just turned eighteen. I don’t drink.

 **Minho:** That’s partly because it’s not legal, right?

 **Jisung:** I don’t think drinking is all that important.

 **Minho:** This is great. It’s like you’re an anomaly. Because basically most guys your age not only feel they should be able to drink, but they’re already drinking.

 **Jisung:** Yeah, it’s not my thing.

 **Minho:** Perfect. I’ll tell you my side of the issue. Then you tell me your side of the issue. Then we’ll have two sides. Essay done.

 **Jisung:** What do you mean, “we”? You will have two sides. I don’t need a side. I’m getting ready to take a bath.

 **Minho:** You take baths? You’re an eighteen-year-old guy and you take baths? You’re a bigger anomaly than I realized.

 **Jisung:** They’re not bubble baths. They’re just your basic bath. I like to soak my muscles. I worked out really hard today. What are you saying? Guys can’t take baths now?

 **Minho:** I didn’t think I was saying that. Hey, you sound upset.

 **Jisung:** Well, my plans are to dunk myself this evening.

 **Minho:** Dunk yourself? That’s a weird euphemism for taking a bath.

 **Jisung:** This is more than a bath. I’m dunking my whole self. My body and my soul.

 **Minho:** Are you playing with me or are you being serious? I can’t tell if you’re really upset.

 **Jisung:** I’m not really upset.

 **Minho:** Great. Let’s get to why you don’t drink.

 **Jisung:** I don’t want to.

 **Minho:** Why? Did you have a bad experience with it? How many times have you been drunk?

 **Jisung:** I’ve never been drunk. I think it’s disgusting.

 **Minho:** Drinking or being drunk?

 **Jisung:** Both.

 **Minho:** Oh.

 **Jisung:** How is this helping you with your issue paper?

 **Minho:** This part isn’t. I was just curious.

 **Jisung:** Let me help you and then I’ve got to go.

 **Minho:** You don’t have to help me.

 **Jisung:** I think the drinking age should either stay at nineteen or be raised higher.

 **Minho:** Really? How high?

 **Jisung:** Twenty-five.

 **Minho:** Holy shit.

 **Jisung:** That’s when important parts of the brain are fully developed. Fully.

 **Minho:** You don’t drink because you’re worried about your brain development?

 **Jisung:** I’m answering your question.

 **Minho:** Do you have the science to back this up?

 **Jisung:** Of course there’s science to back this up. I’m not pulling it out of my ass.

 **Minho:** Gross way to put that.

 **Jisung:** I’m tired, Minho. Can’t you just Google this stuff?

 **Minho:** That’s not how I write my papers.

 **Jisung:** I meant for the science stuff.

 **Minho:** Oh.

 **Jisung:** I’ve had a long day.

 **Minho:** All that working out?

 **Jisung:** Me and Hyunjin had a fight.

 **Minho:** A bad one?

 **Jisung:** Yeah. Whatever.

 **Minho:** I’m sorry about your fight.

 **Jisung:** Me too.

 **Minho:** Thanks for your help.

 **Jisung:** You’re being generous. It wasn’t all that useful.

 **Minho:** It was sort of useful. It made me realize that I need to think harder about the other side of my issue.

 **Jisung:** I like that. Calling me makes a guy want to think harder about his issues.

 **Minho:** Okay. Now I can tell that you’re really upset. So what did you fight with Hyunjin about? Can I ask?

 **Jisung:** Stuff.

 **Minho:** I have no idea what that means.

 **Jisung:** Our fight was about a girl.

 **Minho:** Oh.

 **Jisung:** It was about a girl I used to date.

 **Minho:** Bum Jee?

 **Jisung:** No. Somebody recent.

 **Minho:** This sounds serious.

 **Jisung:** Her name is Nan.

 **Minho:** Is that short for Nancy?

 **Jisung:** No. It’s just Nan.

 **Minho:** I’ve never met a Nan before. Are you sure it’s not short for something?

 **Jisung:** Don’t make fun of her name, Minho.

 **Minho:** I wasn’t making fun of her name.

 **Jisung:** Yes you were. Just like you made fun of Bum Jee’s last name.

 **Minho:** You’re being hypersensitive.

 **Jisung:** Hyunjin is taking her to our senior dance. Spring Bash.

 **Minho:** That sucks.

 **Jisung:** That’s an understatement.

 **Minho:** Would you say this is typical or atypical behavior for Hyunjin?

 **Jisung:** What are you getting at?

 **Minho:** Well, he recently suffered a head injury. Remember?

 **Jisung:** Are you talking about the tree limb?

 **Minho:** Yes. How would you describe the impact with his head: medium, hard, or extrahard?

 **Justin:** Are you being serious?

 **Minho:** Of course I am. Sometimes people who suffer head injuries need another good knock to return to their senses. But us guys are great at moving beyond drama. It’s some sort of genetic male-bond thingy.

 **Jisung:** There you go with your stereotypes again.

 **Minho:** Stereotypes are based on truth.

 **Jisung:** That’s not the problem. I guess they’ve liked each other for a while.

 **Minho:** I’m sorry.

 **Jisung:** I guess these things happen.

 **Minho:** I don’t know if that’s true. My best friend Felix would never date one of my exes. Ever.

 **Jisung:** Your best friend is named Felix and you made fun of the name Nan?

 **Minho:** Felix is way more common than Nan.

 **Jisung:** No. It’s not.

 **Minho:** Doesn’t matter. Hyunjin and Nan won’t last. You can’t build a relationship on that kind of rocky foundation.

 **Jisung:** How do you know whether or not their foundation is rocky?

 **Minho:** I’m guessing.

 **Jisung:** Thanks for trying to cheer me up. It’s just a dance.

 **Minho:** When is it?

 **Jisung:** Two weeks. The eighteenth.

 **Minho:** Take someone really hot as your date. Show them that you don’t care.

 **Jisung:** But I do care.

 **Minho:** That’s so sweet of you. You’ve got a soft heart. Wish I had a brother like you.

 **Jisung:** What’s your sibling situation?

 **Minho:** It’s just me.

 **Jisung:** Are you an only child?

 **Minho:** I just told you that it’s just me. What’s your family situation?

 **Jisung:** I have a brother. His name is Woojin.

 **Minho:** Older or younger?

 **Jisung:** Older.

 **Minho:** How old?

 **Jisung:** He’s twenty-one.

 **Minho:** Is he hot?

 **Jisung:** Are you the type of guy who’s always looking for the next best thing?

 **Minho:** Absolutely.

 **Jisung:** I don’t know if Woojin is hot or not.

 **Minho:** How many people has he dated?

 **Jisung:** A lot.

 **Minho:** Then he’s probably hot.

 **Jisung:** My bath is getting cold. I’ve got to go.

 **Minho:** I didn’t realize you’d filled the tub.

 **Jisung:** I filled it right before you called. But I didn’t want to be naked while I talked to you.

 **Minho:** That was thoughtful.

 **Jisung:** Call me and tell me how your paper turns out.

 **Minho:** I will.

 **Jisung:** I bet you get at least a C.

 **Minho:** Thanks for your show of confidence.

 **Jisung:** And I take back what I said about you being totalitarian.

 **Minho:** It’s about time. That term doesn’t really suit me.

 **Jisung:** I know. You like flirting too much.

 **Minho:** Totalitarians aren’t flirts?

 **Jisung:** Historically speaking, no.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao why are all my characters always so weird??? idk but i hope u enjoyed it lol let me know your thoughts!


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